Why I have a love/hate relationship with my writing.

So, NaNoWriMo is officially over and I’m happy to say that it was a great encouragement to get me moving on editing my upcoming novel. Yes, I know the idea was to write a new manuscript, but I’ve already got a pile of those sitting around 😉

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The book I worked on editing was actually written almost 18 months ago. The idea came to me one day, then I spent another day sitting in Starbucks banging out an outline, and three weeks later, it was written. I loved it! And my Alpha reader loved it, as well – even telling me it was my best work so far! Much rejoicing and cartwheels!

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Until a few months later, when I sat down to begin editing it… and hated the thing. 

Where had my masterpiece manuscript gone? Where was this fantastical work that I’d spent so many hours crafting and bringing to a place of perfection? Somewhere along the way, a small gremlin had entered my laptop and turned my words into undigestible matter I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Eek.

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So began the editing process. At first I just wanted to trash the thing – as is always the feeling, during the first edit. Then I got part way in, having changed the POV drastically, adding and deleting scenes, only to re-add the deleted ones and delete the newly added ones, and change that POV right back to where it had begun. Then I walked away. Began the process again, and grew so frustrated that I didn’t even complete the revision through to the end. Repeat process.

In between edits I would think of new ideas, begin new books, and of course, worked on getting my Now I Sleep’ series self published. Each time I came back to my baby, I grew a little less frustrated, until it got to the point that it was actually tolerable to read. 

Which brings me to last month. Once again, I opened up my Word doc and began the long, arduous process of ripping my words to pieces, slowly putting them back together into something more coherent.

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And as of today… I still don’t like it. Yes, I knew this would be the case. But I’m also not done revising, so I’m giving myself grace! It is a trillion times better than my first attempt, but still many hours/days/weeks/months away from being ready to publish.

So, until then, I keep plugging away. I keep revising, making it better, pushing back those negative thoughts that would encourage me to quit. Why? Because I’ve made this baby public and people keep asking me about it! Score for social media! 😉 In the long run, it helps me to be a better writer. 

Thank you for that, friends. Do me a favor – keep bugging me.

How about you? Are you a writer who has a love/hate relationship with your work? Feel free to leave a comment below!! And be sure to keep an eye out for updates on ‘Fallen Ashes’, this novel I so love to hate, but will soon just love 😉

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Happy reading, friends!!

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